I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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