guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize