Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
