i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
