i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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