I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
