summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
