I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
