I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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