I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
