No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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