So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
