Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
