So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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