i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
