so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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