I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Houston, we have a blender
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
