Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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