its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
