WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
