2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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