god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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