turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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