Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
