so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
