She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
