She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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