Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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