I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
