But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
