i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
