My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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