Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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