I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize