When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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