the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
