i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
