Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
