So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
