I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
