Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
now i know why i became what i already was.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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