"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
