I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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