Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
