Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
