I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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