This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
