I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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