highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
