A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize