i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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