chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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