Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
