dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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