whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
