im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
