I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
