So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
