dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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