i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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