i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
