if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
