dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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