Can Purell be used as lube?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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