I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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