Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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