i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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