rhymes with "ouble enetration"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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