just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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