All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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