The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
