6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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