Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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