He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize