Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
