i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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