you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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