I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
