No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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